STLtoday - Grieving father fights for burial spot next to soldier son

STLtoday - Grieving father fights for burial spot next to soldier son: "O'FALLON"Mo. -- The father of an Army corporal killed in Afghanistan is livid that the U.S. government won't honor his request to be buried next to his son at Jefferson Barracks National Cemetery.

Kurt Zwilling's son -- 20-year-old Gunnar Zwilling -- was not married, and his father wants him to have family next to him. Because Kurt Zwilling is a veteran himself, having served in the U.S. Navy during Vietnam, he has a right to be buried at Jefferson Barracks -- just not to pick the spot.

The government has told him he can't reserve the spot next to his son; those spaces are reserved for spouses, he was told.

"He was my boy, my baby," Kurt Zwilling says of Gunnar. "There's not anyplace I'd rather be then next to my own son. It gives me peace."

Kurt Zwilling, 53, of O'Fallon, is in remission from skin cancer. He buried his son on July 22. Gunnar Zwilling, who served in the 173rd Airborne Brigade, was among nine American soldiers killed and 15 wounded July 13 in an attack by more than 100 militants in northern Afghanistan. At his funeral, an Army commander presented the grieving family with a Bronze Star and Purple Heart.

"I've given up a lot for this country," Kurt Zwilling says. "I want to be next to my son. I feel that's the least they could do."

But it doesn't work that way when it comes to spots in veteran cemeteries, a spokesman for the National Cemetery Administration explains.

"We assign gravesites at the time of need. We don't make reservations for the future," administration spokesman Michael Nacincik said from Washington today.

Nacincik said that, once the father dies, the administration would take up his request then, but isn't making any promises.

If the site next to his son has been taken, Nacincik said, the government agency could consider putting the father's casket atop the son's in a double-depth arrangement. He said parents and children have been buried before in this setup. Generally, when it happens, the veteran parent had a young child who died first. That happens infrequently.

Kurt Zwilling said the double-depth arrangement isn't what he wants. He is planning to be remarried this year and wants to be buried next to his son -- and in a double-depth gravesite with his future wife.

Nacincik said what the Zwilling father is asking for -- the spot next to his son -- is even more rare. Nacincik said he couldn't think of an instance where it's happened. The administration "does not keep records on parent-child burials and we have no way to data mine our burial records for such information," he wrote in an email.

Eligible veterans, their spouse and dependent children can be buried at a VA national cemetery. Gravesites are assigned after a person has died. The space next to Gunnar Zwilling presumably goes to the next veteran to die. Nacincik said the father can make his wishes known by writing a letter and, once he dies, his survivors can ask the National Cemetery Administration to consider it -- if the spot is still available.

"The key being that I can't guarantee what any decision in the future might be," Nacincik added. "Most likely, it would probably be favorably received. We try to accommodate veterans as best we can within the existing laws."

Nacincik said the big reason such reservations aren't taken is that a grieving person may decide something else later.

"People change their minds all the time," Nacincik said. "What he wants now may not be what he wants in the future. Especially when the death is recent and the family is distraught. We really have to wait until the time of need in the future.

"Usually, people move on. Other life events happen. They move to Florida."

One burial plot next to Gunnar Zwilling is already taken. The gravesite is that of another young soldier, Pvt. Vincent Cortez Winston Jr., who was killed Sept. 4 when a land mine exploded near his vehicle in Afghanistan. But the burial plot on the other side of Gunnar Zwilling is vacant. For now.

The National Cemetery Administration has 125 VA national cemeteries. Last year, there were 101,000 burials. Currently, about 3 million people are buried in 2.8 million VA national cemetery gravesites. A congressman from New York has proposed widening the law to allow more people to be buried in national cemeteries. The administration is in the midst of its largest expansion since the Civil War, primarily because of the large numbers of World War II veterans who are dying. Currently, about 1,100 of the estimated 1,900 veterans who die every day had served in World War II.

A few days after burying his son, Kurt Zwilling started making requests to be buried next to him. He called a cemetery representative and was told no. He wrote a letter to the federal government, but again was turned down. He put in another request through his military bereavement officer. The local funeral home has even championed his cause, trying to research the matter and work through the Army.

"He's been through so much, I hope they can make it work for him," said Scott Payne of Baue Funeral Home. "But it's one of those things. You just never know. All we can do is hope for the best."

Meanwhile, Kurt Zwilling is fuming. Four days before he died, Gunnar Zwilling called his father.

"He told me he was going into a bloodbath," the father recalls. "He knew what he was doing, and he went anyway because it was his job. They sent him on a suicide mission.

"I gave my son," Kurt Zwilling added. "I'm not asking any questions. All I ask if that the space next to him be reserved for me."

Kurt Zwilling's father and uncle, who also served in the military, are buried at Jefferson Barracks several sections away from Gunnar -- about the distance of a city block. Kurt Zwilling's other son, Alex Zwilling, is alive and well and serving in the Air Force.

Kurt Zwilling visits his son's gravesite every week. "It's on a hill, next to the pavilion. It's a beautiful place. Serene," he says. Kurt Zwilling worries the spot he wants will be taken -- and his complaints moot -- once the next local soldier is killed in action.

"We all know there's going to be another one," he says.

"The next thing they're going to do to shut me up is to put someone to the right of him, so the logical thing for me to do is go away," Kurt Zwilling says. "I'm damn mad. I'm not asking much more of this life. But I've got one last task."

kbell@post-dispatch.com 314-340-8115

[bth: amazing isn't it. Just a little human touch and this wouldn't be a problem. It's said that sites aren't assigned in advance, but one need only look around at Arlington to see that exceptions are made every day. Who will speak up for a corporal and his Dad?]